What is a Good Life?

"What is a good life?" isn’t an easy question to answer because the definition of “a good life” is going to be different for everybody. Ask around, you will get all kinds of different answers.

Some people think that a good life is the same thing as having a good job. They believe that school is all about preparing you for a career because a good, well paying job will lead you to a good life.

It isn’t as simple as that. After all, there are people who have good paying jobs and are still unhappy with their lives. Other people have jobs that seem, on the surface, to be unimpressive but they genuinely find their lives to be very satisfying and meaningful.

It is pretty clear that living a good life isn’t just about finding the right job. That could be a part of it but it isn’t the whole story.

We need a better way of thinking about living a good life. Instead of focusing on jobs and careers we are going to focus on four qualities that typically go along with a good life. You might have “a good job” but if you are lacking in these qualities you probably don’t have “a good life.”

You will probably find that a career or a job are only a small part of a good life. We fill our lives with hobbies and interests and activities and community and creativity that bring us great joy and fulfillment. Sometimes our career is related to that and sometimes it isn’t.

Instead of focusing on a career, we are going to focus on four qualities that are associated with living a good life. These are: autonomy, competence, confidence, and connection.

Focusing on these four qualities is a way of including your whole life in your learning. You should be seeking a rich and meaningful life. That means you need to think about much more than your career. A good life might include relationships, hobbies, interests, service, creativity, art, entertainment, fandoms, travel, recreation, games and a lot more.

The four qualities that we are going to focus on allow us to leave the details of your good life up to you. Instead it is a recognition that these qualities are typically present in a good life no matter what the details are.

Quality 1 is Autonomy.

Autonomy is a feeling of being in control of your life, of understanding yourself and what you need to do to find meaning and fulfillment, of being able to make decisions and be responsible for your own life.

Quality 2 is Competence.

Competence is being capable of accomplishing your goals, being able to develop and maintain the necessary skills and habits to be successful, and to maintain the ability to continue to learn, grow, and develop.

Quality 3 is Confidence.

Confidence is being comfortable with yourself, knowing your values and your strengths and how to use your skills and habits to reach your goals, knowing that you are capable of setting and reaching your goals and facing challenges.

Quality 4 is Connection.

Connection is being able to relate to and connect with the world around you, building and maintaining a healthy life that has meaning and purpose, feeling that you are a contributing part of a community.

If you feel in control of your life (Autonomy). If you have the knowlege and skills to do the things you want to do (Competence). If you know what you are capable of doing (Confidence). If you have a place where you fit in (Connection). You are probably living a good life.

Here’s the good news — you can develop these four qualities by going on a Learning Journey. In fact, a Learning Journey is a fantastic way to develop Autonomy, Competence, Confidence, and Connection and begin living a good life.

Before we start talking about what a Learning Journey is, let's talk about these four qualities in more detail.

A person with Autonomy feels that they have agency or control in their life. They are capable of making decisions, working towards their own goals, and finding their own place in the world. They have thoughts about their goals and how to achieve them. They have an understanding of their strengths and what might be required to overcome challenges. They have a sense of their deeper values and can react to surprises and roadblocks without losing the feeling of being in control of their life.

This period in your life, from your early teens to your early twenties is the period where developing Autonomy is the most natural. You are discovering the world and discovering how you fit into the world. You are moving away from a period of your life where you were primarily integrated into your immediate family and moving towards establishing your own life.

People who do not feel in control of their life can end up feeling alienated, unmotivated, and unsatisfied with their life. Many people end up in this position and blame their bad luck, outside forces, or other people. They can feel like their life is inauthentic and doesn’t fully belong to them.

Feeling autonomous doesn’t mean that all of your problems are solved. It means that you have the skills, habits, and mindsets to tackle problems and work towards your goals. It means you have a greater sense of who you are and what strengths you have and how those strengths might be used to craft a meaningful life.

Autonomy gives you the tools and the strength to tackle the problems yourself or to seek out the help of others when necessary.

Developing Autonomy is not a matter of getting a passing grade in Autonomy 101. It doesn’t work like that. It can’t be distilled into a lecture and measured on a test.

You will work towards Autonomy by making decisions, taking chances, owning responsibilities, reflecting on mistakes and growing, understanding your values, strengths, and interests. Your Learning Journey can help you understand how you learn best, how to put yourself in the best position to be successful. It can help you discover what brings you joy and satisfaction. You develop Autonomy by taking initiative and being an advocate for yourself. Those are the things that will help you work towards Autonomy.

On your Learning Journey you can explore widely and push yourself to try new things and take some chances. Maybe you try out for a play or send a poem off for publication. Maybe you make a phone call to try and get an internship. Maybe you sign up for an in person class that scares you a little bit.

Autonomy can be developed with a habit of reflecting on your journey, taking a moment to look back on things you have done and analyze what worked and what didn’t. Asking yourself why did I decide to read that book and did it end up living up to my expectations? Why did I decide to take on that project alone and would it have made more sense to work with a team or seek out help when I ran into a hurdle?

Reflection isn’t a grade. It is a conversation with yourself. It isn’t about finding blame but about an honest analysis of what happened and what you can take away from it. Reflecting on your Learning Journey will help you develop Autonomy.

Autonomy can also be developed by diving headfirst into your interests and strengths. By pushing yourself to develop your strengths, skills, and knowledge in areas that have meaning and purpose, you will become more Autonomous. Taking on a big project, digging into a fascinating subject, developing expertise, working on skills and habits, are all ways that can help develop Autonomy.

Autonomy is developed by the very act of being in charge of your own Learning Journey. The very act of deciding what to learn, who to learn it with, how to learn it, where to learn it, when it makes sense to learn it, and why it is important to you, is a path to Autonomy. Freedom and responsibility go hand in hand. You are worthy of the freedom. You are capable of managing the responsibility.

There are skills, habits, and knowledge that will be necessary for you to reach your goals. They require time and practice and patience to develop. Some things might require a mentor, guide, or teacher. Some skills, habits, and knowledge need to be built up sequentially, one step at a time. Some skills, habits, and knowledge will be gathered over time without a required order.

The particular set of skills, habits, and knowledge that you work on during your Learning Journey is as individual as you are. It is a reflection of your interests, your strengths, and your goals. It will be a mirror of what is important to you.

There are some basic skills that are probably going to be useful no matter your life path; reading and writing, thinking critically, thinking creatively, recognizing patterns, working as part of a team, being empathetic, asking for help, being persistent.

There are also skills that are more specific to you. Things that you enjoy or areas where you excel.

Your Learning Journey will include basic skills and specific skills. They are all in service of helping you live the kind of life that brings you meaning and purpose.

Developing competence might mean understanding different mindsets. There are various mindsets for approaching problems that are beneficial for anyone to understand and there are mindsets that will help you achieve your life goals.

A mindset is a collection of perspectives, habits of thinking, skills, and underlying knowledge that allows you to approach a problem from a particular point of view.

Quantitative Thinking can be seen in mathematicians, statisticians, businessmen, coaches, trainers, and meteorologists. They use logic, computation, modeling, data, and measurement to help them identify problems, find solutions, make predictions, locate patterns. Quantitative thinking is not just found in these professions. Having a basic level of competence with quantitative thinking is helpful to anyone.

Empirical Thinking is used by scientists, investigative journalists, doctors, and lawyers. It involves gathering evidence, asking questions, examining findings and developing theories to explain the evidence, and testing hypotheses in a scientific manner.

Societal Thinking like a sociologist, historian, economist, or a politician looks at underlying systems and their impact on society and individuals. You have to understand and consider diverse perspectives including economic, cultural, political, ethnic, religious, gender, sexual, age, and ability. You have to be aware of differences in people, places, environment, and time. It is a complex interaction of human behavior, cultural systems, and group dynamics.

Creative Thinking or approaching the world like an artist, inventor, or entrepreneur is often a looping process of observation, questioning, idea creation, communication, and experimentation. The creative mindset is willing to challenge orthodoxies, rethink the commonplace, remix what has come before, and see the invisible.

A Nurturing Mindset is used by caregivers, teachers, parents, nurses, and therapists. Nurturers use empathy, compassion, listening, generosity, and advocacy to help their community. A nurturing mindset is capable of seeing problems from another person’s point of view, of seeking solutions that help people in their daily lives, of recognizing the humanity and worthiness of others.

A Competitive Mindset is used by athletes, gamers, adventurers, and businesspeople. A competitive mindset uses healthy competition with others and with themselves to drive their performance.

A Performer Mindset is used by entertainers, speakers, writers, chefs, comedians, actors, teachers, and politicians. A performer uses observation, improvisation, listening, communication, storytelling, humor, suspense, surprise, and drama to reach an audience.

A Critical Mindset is used by judges, critics, referees, game designers, lawyers, and managers. A critical mindset uses knowledge, experience, judgment, and wisdom to provide feedback, advice, opinions about someone or something. A critical mindset can be useful when developing or applying laws, rules, and regulations.

All of those different mindsets require specific skills, habits, and knowledge. Having some basic Competence in all of these mindsets will help you. It is a part of exploring what the world has to offer. You should attempt to gain some experience, exposure, and basic competence in these different ways of seeing the world and approaching problems.

You might find one of these mindsets speaks more to you than the others. You might also think that you see the benefit of more than one. Perhaps you want to develop a deeper competence in the areas that have meaning to you.

When you dive in deeper you will develop very specific skills, habits, and knowledge. The particular sets of skills, habits, and knowledge that you decide to develop should be based on what you are drawn to, interested in, and driven to do.

Competence is not defined by reaching a certain score on a predetermined set of skills, habits, or knowledge. There is no test that says you need to score above a 90% on Creative Thinking in order to move on. It will be individual to you and your strengths, interests, and goals. Your competence should be in relation to your goals and plans.

Confidence comes from understanding yourself and your potential place in the world. Confidence is not arrogance or boastfulness, it is a genuine belief in your ability to navigate the world. A person with a sense of confidence knows where they have strengths and skills but they also know where they still need to improve. Confidence doesn’t only come from being “good” at something, it comes from knowing yourself and knowing your capabilities.

Many people who have a strong sense of confidence might come across as humble. There is a level of humility in seeing the world with some clarity. The beginner only knows what they know. The expert also knows all the things that they don’t know. Confidence can mean seeing the world and yourself with clarity.

Some people attempt to project confidence with bragging and self-congratulation. Typically that kind of false confidence is covering up something. When we talk about working towards confidence we are not talking about being false or bragging. We are talking about a genuine confidence that comes from inside you, a confidence that is earned and authentic.

A Confident person can be playful and have fun as part of learning. A confident person can face open-ended problems. A confident person can assess themselves fairly and avoid unhealthy comparisons like envy and jealousy. A confident person can pursue meaning and purpose in their life. A confident person is not afraid to seek out help or assistance, not afraid to admit they don’t know or admit they made a mistake. A confident person is open to new experiences, new ideas, and new information.

Like the other goals we have discussed, confidence doesn’t come neatly packaged in a class. It is something you gain over time. It comes, in part from gaining competence. It comes, in part, from gaining autonomy, an understanding of yourself, your strengths, and your goals. It comes from reflecting on your progress and seeing what you have accomplished so far. Confidence comes from setting goals and reaching them. It comes from making mistakes and recovering from them. It comes from working with others and understanding that you belong.

Connection is caring for both yourself and the communities that you belong to. Connection is considering the needs of others but also considering your own needs. It can mean developing healthy habits like exercise, sleep, and nutrition (some of the easiest and least expensive routes to life satisfaction.) It is also finding a way to contribute to your communities. It is taking your strengths and skills and offering them to the world.

It can mean giving time to help the less fortunate but it might also take the form of living your best life, creating things that bring joy or meaning to yourself and to others, helping people reach their goals, incorporating kindness into your day, being grateful, and practicing forgiveness.

Connection could mean organizing your Learning Journey to give yourself time to sleep and exercise. It might mean setting aside time to take a walk in nature to refresh. It could mean volunteering, raising money, or tutoring a classmate.

Connection could look like taking a trip to the Grand Canyon to experience awe. It could also look like spontaneously offering to help someone take their groceries to their car. It might be developing a habit of mindful meditation or a habit of people watching at a local coffee shop.

In adventure stories the hero often returns home after an adventure having faced challenges and survived. The hero’s return includes bringing back a type of gift to their community. They return wiser, braver, nobler. The lessons the hero learned on their adventure serve to integrate themselves back into their life at home and as a member of their community. The reward is both their own and their community’s.

You are a hero going on an adventure, a Learning Journey. The end of the journey is a return home with Autonomy, Competence, and Confidence and applying those qualities to connect with your community, finding the places where your strengths, passions, and interests can find a home. In today’s world, connecting with your community isn’t just about the place where you live, it could be a group of peers, a place online, an industry, an art movement, a social group, a fandom.