Key Strategy One: Make Decisions

You are in charge of your Learning Journey. That is important. You need to be the one making decisions; decisions about what is important, what is interesting, and what is meaningful; decisions about what to do next, and decisions about why something is important.

This doesn’t mean that you will always be learning alone. Your Learning Journey will have classmates, partners, teammates, friends, mentors, teachers, guides, tutors, supervisors, and bosses. The important things is that it is you who will decide who you want to learn with and who you want to learn from.

On a Learning Journey it is you deciding what to learn and how to learn it. That doesn’t mean you have to totally reinvent the wheel. You can take classes at a school, if that is what you want to do. You are also free to design unique projects that explore topics that are particularly interesting to you or find a internship that gives you hands-on experience. The most important things is that it is a decision that you are making.

Keep in mind, not everything worth learning is taught in a classroom; not everything worth learning happens in school.

The world is full of opportunities to learn. You happen to be alive at a time in history where information and opportunity are abundant.

There are computer programs that simulate flying a plane, building a civilization, or going on a quest. There are videos that will teach you to fix a car, explain World War I, or witness how Mountain Gorillas raise their families. There are free classes on chemistry, personal finance, or the science of happiness. There are databases, wikis, and FAQ’s that allow you immediate access to information that a generation ago was hidden away.

You might live in a community with parks, museums, libraries, aquariums, and zoos. Even if you don’t, you can travel the world virtually or plan a trip utilizing apps, reviews, videos, and guides. You can reach out and talk with experts on another continent and find peers in other countries.

There is a world beyond your computer screen, too. You can volunteer, job shadow, and intern. Maybe you want to start your own business or perform in a play. Perhaps painting is your thing or playing tennis? Nature hikes, kayaking, fishing, horseback riding?

Do you believe strongly in a cause and want to be involved in political activism? Do you want to join an organization or even start one.

Do you like to work with younger people or maybe spend time with seniors? How about working with animals or growing vegetables in a garden?

Some people are deep into fandoms and enjoy making costumes, fan art, and fan fiction. Some people just want some quiet time to read or listen to music.

It is possible to do a whole lot of valuable learning without ever setting foot in a classroom.

But there is nothing wrong with learning in a classroom, if you want to.

The whole point is that you will be making the decisions.

You can learn through internships, in person classes, mentorships, self-directed research, interviews, traveling, creating, volunteering, clubs, sports, community groups, shadowing, entrepreneurship, gaming, performing, making art, making music, creative writing, drawing, inventing, experimenting, exploring, problem solving, activism, mindfulness, watching shows, listening to podcasts, building things, planting a garden, or hanging out with friends.

Everyone of those things and many, many more are opportunities for you to learn something. They are called Learning Opportunities.

It doesn’t matter if a Learning Opportunity happens at a school with a teacher. It doesn’t matter if you receive a grade.

A Learning Opportunity is anytime you put yourself in a position to learn something.

A Learning Opportunity could be short, like maybe a day you spend at an aquarium. A Learning Opportunity could be longer, like a year on a self-directed, deep-dive research project.

A Learning Opportunity could be formal, like driving lessons. A Learning Opportunity could be informal, like reading a book in your favorite book series.

The world is full of Learning Opportunities. You have access to so much information, experiences, and connections that you could build a school out of it.

In fact, that is what your Learning Journey is; it is a school built out of all kinds of different Learning Opportunities.

The way a Learning Journey works is that you decide which Learning Opportunities you would like to pursue. Some of them will be focused on Exploring Widely, some of them will be Diving Deeply, and some will be a little bit of both.

The active process of you deciding which Learning Opportunities to pursue; you deciding how you will learn; you deciding who to learn with; and you reflecting on what happened and deciding what to do next is all a part of the first key strategy

It is all about making decisions.

You are in charge, partly because you are worthy of being in charge of your own life and partly because feeling in charge of your life (Autonomy) is an important part of living a good life.

If a Learning Opportunity is "anytime you intentionally put yourself in a position to learn something." And if a Learning Opportunity could look like a class, an internship, reading a book, creating music, testing out a hypothesis, interviewing an expert, watching a documentary ... if it can be any of those kind of things. Well ... how do you find them? Where do you look to find all of these interesting Learning Opportunities?

You can find Learning Opportunities that are already somewhat structured and ready to go.

Or you can create your own, unique Learning Opportunities from scratch.

There is an abundance of Learning Opportunities out there already. We obviously can’t identify and review every one of them. Even if we could, we can’t determine which ones make sense for you.

In Section 4 of this field guide we have included some ideas, examples, and strategies for finding existing Learning Opportunities and for creating your own unique ways to learn.

On your Learning Journey you will be making a lot of decisions. Let’s talk about the motivations for making all of these choices. How do you make decisions anyways?

First of all, not all motivation is the same. Some motivation comes from inside of you. Sometimes you are driven to do something because you enjoy doing it. Sometimes you do something because it is important to you. Sometimes you are curious. Sometimes you are interested. Sometimes you want to try something new.

These reasons all come from inside of you. This is called intrinsic motivation. We do all kinds of things because doing them is it’s own reward. Games, sports, music, reading, hiking, talking to friends, watching a show, making art, knitting, cooking, exercise, poetry, fashion. Our lives are full of things that we do because doing them makes our lives better. They are fun, interesting, meaningful, important.

There is another type of motivation that comes from the outside. It is usually described in terms of rewards and punishments. This is called extrinsic motivation. You do these type of activities not because they bring meaning or value to your life but because there is some kind of external reward or punishment driving it.

“If I don’t clean my room, my mom is going to kill me.” That’s an example of an activity that is driven by a fear of a punishment. That is an extrinsic motivation.

“I’m gonna clean my room and it is going to make my mom so happy.” Same activity but this time it is driven by a reward, a happy mom. That is also an extrinsic motivation.

In both cases you are motivated to clean your room by an external force, the reaction of your mom.

In comparison, “I’m going to clean my room because I like having a clean room.” Is an example of an intrinsic motivator. You are motivated by your desire for a clean room.

You might also say, “I actually enjoy cleaning my room.” This is also intrinsic but the motivation isn’t driven by the end result of a clean room, the motivation is the activity itself.

Extrinsic rewards often include tangible rewards such as money, trophies, ice cream, and prizes. They can also be less tangible rewards such as praise, fame, or grades.

The basic idea is that you are working to gain the reward whether it is tangible or intangible.

Extrinsic punishments work the same way. You are typically motivated to avoid a punishment which might be tangible such as a fine or penalty or punishment or might be something less tangible like disappointment, anger, or embarrassment.

In a school setting extrinsic motivators include grades, credits, requirements, parent and teacher praise or disappointment, gold stars, demerits, student of the month, valedictorian, class rank, and even admission to college. All of these act as extrinsic motivators.

Intrinsic motivators like curiosity, interest, passion, and meaning can help you learn and even be successful at school. Being interested in what you are learning goes a long way to helping you achieve external rewards like higher grades but whether you were internally motivated to succeed or whether you were merely driven by the reward isn’t directly factored into your results. From the school’s perspective, a 100% on a test is the only thing that matters.

When many people think about motivation they think of it as an external force, as in, “how do I motivate someone to do what I want?” or even “how do I motivate myself?” This framing treats motivation as some magical force that can be applied when needed. This is how we end up with, “If you clean your room, we can go get ice cream after.”

When we think of motivation as an external force, we end up creating rewards and punishments.

Let’s explore a different approach to motivation. It is something that will help you make decisions about your Learning Journey.

A better way to think about motivation is as an internal force that is already inside of you. It is a matter of recognizing it and putting yourself in situations where your activities and your motivations are in alignment.

“How do I motivate myself to learn?” is the wrong question.

“What already motivates me? And how do I keep my Learning Journey in alignment with my motivations?” is a better framing. It recognizes that the motivations are already there inside of you.

You have motivations already. There are things that interest you, excite you, inspire you, entertain you, or bring meaning to your life. Your job is to understand your motivations and find ways so that those things are part of your Learning Journey.

We are reversing the framing. Instead of finding motivation to learn, you are finding learning that matches your motivation.

The first job is to listen to your motivations

We all have intrinsic motivations that we should be listening to. Learn to recognize and listen to some of your basic intrinsic motivators. Here is a list of some common words that tap into intrinsic motivations:

• Curiosity and questioning
• Exploration and discovery
• Enjoyment and fun
• Adventure and excitement
• Interest and intrigue
• Passion and drive
• Purpose and meaning
• Creativity and imagination
• Expression and communication

These words point to the kind of things that we do because they bring value to our lives. These are very human motivations. They don’t require external rewards or punishments because they are their own internal reward.

One approach to making decisions about your Learning Journey would be to let yourself be guided by these types of motivators.

Here are some strategies you can use to connect with your intrinsic motivators.

Curiosity can be as simple as wanting to know the answer to a question, “What was the hottest day ever recorded?” Some questions have straightforward answers. You can look up the hottest day on record and get an answer. There is something satisfying about having a question and finding the answer.

Sometimes curiosity is more complicated than looking up an answer. Scientists can be driven by curiosity and spend years trying to find an answer. Albert Einstein was curious about what a light beam would look like if you could travel next to it. Einstein couldn’t look up that answer. He had to figure it out.

We are naturally curious. It doesn’t require developing special skills to be curious. Although, you might benefit from developing a habit of listening to your curiosity. At some point as we move from kindergarten to high school we pay less attention to our curiosity. Maybe school knocks it out of us or maybe it is just part of getting older. No matter the reason, your Learning Journey can benefit from being more open to your curiosity.

One strategy of tapping into your natural curiosity is to think in questions rather than in answers. It is easy to be convinced by school that the world is full of answers and your job is to just learn the answers.

The truth is that the world is a lot more interesting if you think in terms of questions. It is also a way of developing a habit of listening to your curiosity. Even if people are presenting what appear to be confident facts you can still ask yourself questions like, “how do they know that is true?” or “how did they find that out?”

How do they measure the temperature of the Sun?

How do they know how much bacteria is in my yogurt?

Why does the US still use miles and inches?

How do they know if fish sleep?

Those questions might have answers, too? But the answers are less important than the process of thinking in questions.

Being open to new things is a good strategy to tap into your intrinsic motivators. In a way, it is a bit like being curious only instead of listening to your curiosity, you are intentionally pushing yourself to be curious.

Being open to new things means giving things a decent try and not judging too quickly. Some things are acquired tastes, some things require a little work to fully appreciate them. Maybe the first time you listened to an opera it didn’t really connect with you. Maybe you tried reading Walt Whitman but it didn’t make sense. That is going to happen. We aren’t saying that you have to keep reading Walt Whitman until it makes sense, we are saying don’t entirely give up. Maybe come back to it a little later. Maybe put it in the pile of something you might try again one day.

Just because you are having fun doesn’t mean you aren’t learning anything. Go ahead and seek out ways to have fun.

It is your Learning Journey after all, if you want to have fun during your Learning Journey, that is your decision to make.

Besides, play is a natural way to learn. And not just for humans. Watch puppies and squirrels and bears, they play, too. It is likely that all animals use play as a way of learning about the world around them. Play is a good way to learn.

Humans seem to also have a natural sense of adventure. Adventure is a little bit like curiosity and a little bit like play. Maybe splash in a touch of the unknown and maybe even a little bit of fear or trepidation and you have adventure.

Adventure pushes us out of our comfort zone. Adventure asks us to do something without knowing how it will turn out. Adventure promises surprises.

Adventure might mean going on a trip but it could also mean asking someone for an interview. Adventure could mean being outside in nature but it could also mean playing a game or even reading a book.

Adventure is that sense of not quite knowing how things will turn out.

Listen to yourself, every now and then when you find out something new or do something unexpected you might make a barely audible “hmm” sound. You can interpret that as meaning, “that’s interesting.”

We like discovering interesting new things. There is a whole sub Reddit dedicated to “Today I Learned”. Of course, what is interesting to someone else might not be as interesting to you and vice versa.

Listen to those moments when you quietly say “that’s interesting” in one manner or another. That is a sign to yourself. It doesn’t have to lead anywhere. It doesn’t have to be turned into an “educational activity” or lead to a career or college major. It can just be “interesting”. That is enough.

Some things go beyond being “interesting” and become true passions for us. If you have passions, you probably know it. It isn’t something you should have to think very hard about. It is important to you and maybe no other explanation is needed.

Once again, the things you are passionate about don’t need to become your career, you don’t need to go to college to study them (although there is nothing wrong with those options). Your passions can just be your passions. You can work them into your lives in whatever way you want.

Some people love birdwatching, RC cars, flying drones, knitting, recording music, traveling, scuba diving, history, fixing up old houses, wood working. The list is endless.

Some people don’t want to make their passions part of their career because they are afraid of losing their passion for it if it becomes the way they make money. Some people want to spend all of their time involved with their passion and therefore seek out ways to make it their career as well as their passion.

There is no right or wrong answer. Honestly, your passions might change as you get older, as you discover new things, as you meet new people. The only worthwhile advice is to not be afraid to follow your passions. You can make them a part of your Learning Journey because it is intrinsically rewarding to keep your passions in your life.

Don’t worry yet about turning your passions into a career. That is a decision for a later day. Right now, recognize when you truly love something and make it a part of your Learning Journey. That will help you down the road when you take on the question of your career.

Maybe there is only a subtle difference between “passion” and “meaning and purpose”. They can certainly overlap. Meaning and purpose is connecting with and contributing to a community in some manner. Sometimes that can be charity and helping out those in need. It can also mean using your gifts to contribute to a community. That could be done through the arts like music, painting, literature. That could be done through public service. That could be done by writing code or creating a product.

Meaning and purpose are yours to define. What brings meaning to one person’s life might not bring meaning to yours. While passions are somewhat internally focused, meaning and purpose are somewhat externally focused. They are about offering the gifts of your signature strengths to the world in some way or another.

Maybe there are ways that they combine and your interests and passions coincide with what brings your life meaning and purpose. You love medicine and you want to be a doctor. You love the outdoors and you want to become a park ranger. You love making videos and you love travel and you have a YouTube channel about your adventures.

Just as importantly, meaning and purpose can come in smaller packages. Maybe you volunteer once a week at a shelter. Maybe you contribute to an online discussion about your favorite genre of music. Maybe you sit on a public bench and sketch the people you see downtown.

You can think of creativity as a means to an end. It can be a method to produce an end product. You can use creativity to create art, to make music, to write poetry. You can use creativity to solve problems and find solutions. In that regard you can think of creativity as a tool to accomplish something. There is nothing wrong with that framing.

You can also think of creativity as an end in itself. You can derive joy and meaning and a sense of purpose from the very process of being creative. In that regard, creativity isn’t a tool—it is a process that has its own reward.

You can see small examples of this all the time. If you ever squirted the mustard on your sandwich into a smiley face for no other reason than it was fun, if you made up a random rhyme, whistled while you worked, wore funny socks, you’ve experienced the small joys of creativity.

Sometimes you might do little things to make someone else laugh. Maybe you speak in a funny voice, point out something ridiculous, make up a silly pun. It is hard to find the practical value in those actions. You are just sharing your creativity with another person.

Humans enjoy creativity. You can always use creativity on your Learning Journey to accomplish practical things. In those cases your motivation is driven by the end product and you are using creativity as a tool. You can also get creative for its own sake. You can use the act of creativity as your source of inspiration.

One form of creativity is related to expressing yourself. There are probably some deep psychological explanations behind the desire to express yourself but let’s just imagine that, on occasion, you need to say to the world, “here I am.”

Like creativity, the desire to express yourself can be an end itself. It doesn’t have to lead to some practical result to have meaning in your life. You can solve problems or create products or contribute to your community or follow your curiosity without giving much consideration to expressing yourself. You can also do those same things and find opportunities to put your unique stamp on what you are doing.

You might make choices in your Learning Journey that serve no greater purpose than just expressing yourself, saying to the world, “here I am.” You can be motivated to express your opinions, your point of view, your personality, your values, your experiences, your feelings.

The desire to express yourself can be the primary motivation behind a Learning Opportunity or it can be a part of a combination of motivations.

Intrinsic motivation is great. It is possible you could complete your entire Learning Journey by keeping your learning aligned with your intrinsic motivators.

But there are some dangers you should keep in mind. It is easy to fool ourselves to think that we are just following our heart when what we are really doing is avoiding what is hard.

Let me explain.

First off, learning is inherently vulnerable. And humans don’t like to be vulnerable.

You make a choice to learn something when you don’t know something or when you aren’t good enough at something. In order to learn to speak a new language you have to be able to admit that you don’t know that language. In order to learn to get better at tennis you have to understand that you have room to improve your tennis game. In order to learn about physics you have to accept that you don’t know much about physics yet.

That is why being a learner is inherently vulnerable. You have to admit to yourself that you have room to improve.

Since humans don’t really like to be vulnerable we have all kinds of psychological protections to hide our vulnerability from ourselves.

We might say to ourselves and to others, “I’m just not good at math.”

We might insist that “This is boring.”

We might convince ourselves that it isn’t our fault, “They are not a good teacher.”

We might convince ourselves that it is all our fault, “I’m not that smart.”

We might gravitate away from some things that challenge us and towards some other things where we already have some level of comfort.

When faced with something where we might struggle, it is often easier to just do the things we are already good at?

The truth is, sometimes we do exactly that. We gravitate towards the things we are already kind of good at, the things we already kinda know. Video games, social media, streaming video and audio services know this. They have algorithms that keep us in the comfort zone of what we already know.

Even traditional schools help you avoid the psychological pain of being a vulnerable learner by making things required, by giving you a simple path to follow. After all, you don’t have to worry about why you are stuck in this chemistry class, it isn’t your own fault. It was required.

It is convenient to have someone else to blame or to believe that you didn’t have a choice.

Which is why believing that you are listening to your intrinsic motivators can sometimes be fool’s gold.

The good news is that this too is part of your Learning Journey. Coming to understand, listen to, and trust your intrinsic motivators is part of the path in front of you.

It might take time. You might make mistakes along the way. That too is part of the journey.

If there are no requirements. If you have permission to go ahead and do whatever you want, in any way that works for you, and also decide how or even if you are being graded. If you have all the choices, won’t you choose to avoid the hard stuff, avoid the extra work, avoid being a vulnerable learner?

A big part of that work is understanding your motivations. Even the ones that lead you to avoid the difficult and the challenging.

Let’s look at the question Why. Out of: Who, What, When, Where, Why, and How, Why is the big one. It is the one that only you can answer. Another person can look at a Learning Opportunity and from the outside and describe it using Who, What, When, Where, and How. The answer to those questions are pretty obvious. But only you can answer the question, Why.

Why did you take that class? I wanted to know more about the topic.

Why did you read that book? I like the author.

Why did you work with that partner? They are my friend.

Why did you research the Galapagos Islands? I am interested in tortoises.

Why did you volunteer at the senior center? It makes me feel good to help people.

Why are you learning Spanish? I want to travel to South America.

Why do you take a walk every afternoon? It helps me deal with stress.

Those are specific to you. Someone else could do the exact same Learning Opportunity but have a very different answer to Why.

So, number one. Why is about you. It is your answer and your reasons. You are worthy of having your own reasons.

If we break down some of the most common approaches to answering the question Why, we find; curiosity, exploration, interest, enjoyment, passion, meaning, creativity, expressing yourself, reaching goals.

• I was Curious about it and/or I wanted to Explore more about it
• I Enjoy it and/or it is Fun
• I wanted to use my Creativity and/or Imagination
• I am Interested in it and/or I always Like learning about it
• I am Passionate and/or Driven to learn about it
• It brings Purpose and/or Meaning to my life
• I wanted to Express Myself
• It is related to a Goal of mine

Those answers are about you. They come from inside of you. They are intrinsic motivations.

There are also typical answers to the question “Why” that are driven by extrinsic motivation.

• I heard it was important.
• My family will be mad if I don’t do it.
• My family will be happy if I do it.
• I’m getting paid to do it.
• It is required.

The simple answer is that being driven by intrinsic motivation tends to make for a better Learning Journey. If you want a guiding principle for making decisions during your Learning Journey:

“Pay attention to intrinsic motivation.”

But we aren’t here for simplified explanations. There is a deeper truth we should explore.

The question “Why” is like an onion. It has layers (h/t Shrek).

If you have a younger sibling or if you have spent some time around a young person between the ages of 2 and 6 you will know the power of the Why question.

Why is the snow man getting smaller? They are melting.

Why are they melting? It is warm today.

Why is it warm today? The sun is out.

Why is the sun out? Because there are no clouds today.

Why are there no clouds today? Uhmm, because that’s the weather today.

Why is that the weather today? It just is. Ok?

There are other ways to answer the last why question. You could keep going if you wanted? You could study a little meteorology and probably answer why there aren’t clouds today. But you know there will be another why and you aren’t sure you will ever get to the center of the onion.

You can just keep asking Why and it changes the nature of the question. It digs deeper. It opens up new layers.

We can learn a little bit from that curious kid. We too can keep asking ourselves questions about our motivations. But we don’t have to be annoying about it.

Why did you read that book? I like the author.

Why do you like the author? They are pretty funny and the situations they create are pretty absurd and hilarious.

Why don't you read all of their books? This is the second one but it is a lot like the other one I read. I'm not sure if I want to read them all.

Why don't you wan to read everything by this author? Not right now. Maybe at some point in the future I will. I was in the right mood for this book and it made sense at the time. I don’t feel the need to read everything they write but if the situation calls for it, I will look at other books they have written.

If you keep peeling back the onion you can get a deeper and more meaningful answer to Why.

Let’s try another one.

Why did you study the Galapagos Islands? I am interested in tortoises and there are interesting tortoises on the Galapagos Islands.

Why are you interested in tortoises? I like animals in general, especially in the wild. I like tortoises because they live a long time and they seem pretty gentle.

Are there other animals you are interested in? Of course. Most of them, actually. But studying the Galapagos Islands was really interesting because they have been isolated a long time and you can kind of see evolution in action.

Are there other places like that, places that have been isolated? Yes. I saw that there have been instances of tiny elephants that have shrunk because they have lived on an island for thousands of years. I love the idea of tiny elephants. That is my next research project, animals that have shrunk.

Why is a pretty powerful tool. Peeling back the onion can reveal deeper truths. It can even open up places to go to next.

Why can even help you find intrinsic motivations inside of what appear to be extrinsic motivations.

For example,

Why did you take that class? It is a required math class.

Required by whom? By the college I am planning on attending.

Are there other ways to meet that requirement? I am not sure. I haven’t asked. This seemed like the easiest way to meet that requirement.

Why do you want to attend that college? It totally makes sense for me, location-wise, cost-wise, size-wise, plus they have a program I want to study there.

Will math classes be a part of that program you want to study? Yes. There are a couple of math classes I will need to take. It makes me a bit nervous.

Is it fair to say that taking this math class now is part of your longer term goal of attending this college and studying in this program? Yes, I suppose.

So maybe this math class isn’t so much a requirement as it is a challenge that is going to help you down the road? That’s fair. I still don’t love math classes and I am still nervous about math classes in college.

That’s fair. Maybe we can rephrase your first answer? Sure. I took this math class because I want to study a specific program at a specific college and that program has some math requirements. So this math class is going to help me get into my preferred college and also prepare me to get through the math requirements of my program. But I still don’t like math.

Sometimes there are hoops to jump through. Sometimes there are requirements we can’t avoid. If you want to drive, you will need to pass a driver’s test.

Sometimes we can find small cracks in the requirements and craft creative and imaginative ways through them. Sometimes we can’t.

A college admission department will probably accept an alternative way of demonstrating your math competence. Your state’s Department of Motor Vehicles will not allow you to create your own driver’s test.

But, remember, the motivation and the answer to Why belongs to you. If you can find the intrinsic motivations that might be hidden inside of the extrinsic you might be able to rewire your mindset around the requirements.

Let’s look at another example.

Why did you volunteer at the senior center? My mom told me it was important.

Why did she think it was important? She thinks it is important that I do something to “give back”.

Do you agree? I don’t know. Maybe. But that wouldn’t have been my first choice.

Why not? I wasn’t a big fan of the smell in there. It is kinda like a hospital.

Did you mention that to your mom? Yes. She said, I would get used to it.

Did you? Not entirely.

Do you think your mom would be ok if you did a different volunteer activity to “give back”? I think so.

Do you think your mom is right that it is important for you to “give back”? I mean, I guess I get it. It was kind of nice to go somewhere and have them be appreciative of me being there. Teenagers aren’t always welcome at places, if you know what I mean?

That makes sense. Would you be willing to explore other volunteering opportunities, maybe one that you enjoy more? Yes. I think I would be ok with that.

Would you be willing to tell your mom that you found a different way to “give back”? Yeah, I don’t think she would be bothered by that. The reason I ended up at the Senior Center is because she knew someone there who could get me in as a volunteer. I think she would be fine with an alternative.

Do you like it when your mom gives you “requirements”? No. I mean, I get it. She wants me to do things that she thinks are important. She isn’t always wrong, either. But I just wish she let me come to the realization on my own. She also isn’t always right, by the way.

Part of becoming more autonomous is managing these types of conflicts. It is natural for a family to want to make sure you are “on the right path.” Even if they believe in you and want you to take a Learning Journey, they might have an idea of what is “important” and they might make suggestions, present options, or even give you requirements.

Peeling back the onion of “Why” can help you manage these kind of conflicts. It might help you understand their point of view, it might help them understand yours. It might present solutions that satisfy everyone. You might also come up to a non-negotiable requirement. That happens. “I’m doing this because it will keep my mom happy” isn’t the best answer to Why but you might be able to find your own intrinsic motivation inside of it. Maybe keeping your mom happy is a reasonable goal that allows you to do other things. Maybe you can rephrase it, “I’m doing this because I choose to keep my mom happy.” Very subtle change but it puts you in the decision making position.

Now let’s take a look at the second strategy to use on your Learning Journey, Explore Widely.